Well, after posting my blog yesterday, I feel like a completely different person! Last night I had a blast at my officer party! Best time I have had in a LONG time!
We all got together at Mrs. Smith's house, which to begin with I love... because it is so beautiful and comfortable! She made us spaghetti for dinner, I brought bread, Katie brought soda, Kayce brough salad, then Missy brought turtle cheesecake! Everything was delicious and I was very full!. We also played Just Dance 2 with Mrs. Smith! She is so much fun and a great advisor. I am so blessed to have her be a part of my life!
After that we did our gift exchange! I got a framed poem from Ellen, a straightener holder from Missy, A scarf and a chocolate fish from Kayce, Fudge and a card from Katie, a teaching notepad from Sapphire, then Mrs. Smith got us a framed picture of our officer team, wrote us awesome cards, and made us cookies! I felt so blessed by all of the girls and their gifts! They were so heart felt!
I also played Just Dance some more and fixed up Mrs. Smith's computer!
For the first time in weeks, I feel happy, and blessed and excited to be alive! I barely slept last night, yet I feel great! AND I am getting a new Blackberry curve! Which is AWESOME!!!
Lord! Thank you so much for your blessings on my life!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Down yet Up.
So, this past week has not been a good one for me. I have been freaking out about everything, been sad, upset, depressed an all kinds of stuff. It has been no fun. I feel like I am going back to my previous life where all I ever was, was sad. Youth group is over for the month, and the only joy I have right now is working with kids, unfortunately that isn't enough. I had a point presented to me that made a lot of sense. Maybe the Lord is being silent in my life, to see how I can follow him, without him directly by my side. It makes so much sense. I've been trying really hard to follow the Lord, but with changes going on in my life, it is definitely a struggle.
My Sister has been nothing but sick lately. It is not easy living in a home that is so sad and depressing. I loose myself in all the sadness, and just want to crawl up in my room, and never leave. My Dad is also dating now, which is hard on me. I don't think my dad has it all together enough by himself and with us girls to date, but that choice isn't up to me. It's Christmas time, and everyone has been busy, so friends have been lacking in my life. School is annoying, and my grades aren't as high as I would like, I am always tired, and It seems like everything i do isn't right, or I am hated on for. All these factors seem to be contributing to my depression.
Mrs. Johns has been trying really hard to help me through all of this. I eat lunch with her everyday. She makes me feel comfortable, and loved, which lately has been something I so desperately need. Sometimes it is not enough. I've been praying like crazy for a positive attitude, for a warm heart and for guidance. Unfortunately, I don't feel like my prayers are being answered. It is probably my fault. I wish I knew how to fix myself, to make it better. I enjoy being happy. I like feeling loved, and excited about life. I just pray that it will all come back to be again. Last night I told Taylor that I needed her more in my life, so hopefully things will get better. She just warms my life up so much.
Christmas is coming and I am very excited for that. I have my FFA Officer Christmas party tonight, which should be an absolute blast. I get to babysit 4 amazing kids on Friday, and 2 on Saturday. This makes me very excited! Friday is the last day of school which should be amazing, and I am going to do nothing over break except house sit for Mrs. Smith, go to my 6 Best friends Christmas party, spend time with my family, and relax. It should be nice.
May the Lord bless my life, and all of your lives as well. Jesus loves you. <3 :)
My Sister has been nothing but sick lately. It is not easy living in a home that is so sad and depressing. I loose myself in all the sadness, and just want to crawl up in my room, and never leave. My Dad is also dating now, which is hard on me. I don't think my dad has it all together enough by himself and with us girls to date, but that choice isn't up to me. It's Christmas time, and everyone has been busy, so friends have been lacking in my life. School is annoying, and my grades aren't as high as I would like, I am always tired, and It seems like everything i do isn't right, or I am hated on for. All these factors seem to be contributing to my depression.
Mrs. Johns has been trying really hard to help me through all of this. I eat lunch with her everyday. She makes me feel comfortable, and loved, which lately has been something I so desperately need. Sometimes it is not enough. I've been praying like crazy for a positive attitude, for a warm heart and for guidance. Unfortunately, I don't feel like my prayers are being answered. It is probably my fault. I wish I knew how to fix myself, to make it better. I enjoy being happy. I like feeling loved, and excited about life. I just pray that it will all come back to be again. Last night I told Taylor that I needed her more in my life, so hopefully things will get better. She just warms my life up so much.
Christmas is coming and I am very excited for that. I have my FFA Officer Christmas party tonight, which should be an absolute blast. I get to babysit 4 amazing kids on Friday, and 2 on Saturday. This makes me very excited! Friday is the last day of school which should be amazing, and I am going to do nothing over break except house sit for Mrs. Smith, go to my 6 Best friends Christmas party, spend time with my family, and relax. It should be nice.
May the Lord bless my life, and all of your lives as well. Jesus loves you. <3 :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
The heart of a teacher
Last Friday I had the coolest experience yet. Mama Johns (my teaching academy teacher, who is also like my best friend :) teaches a class called AVID. It is all about helping freshman get into college. She will have these kids all four years of high school and will continue to guide them. Its all about motivation and doing well, goals and so on. I really love the concept of the class, and it is the most perfect class for Mrs. Johns to teach. Well, Mrs. Johns was gone on Friday, so together we planned to have me speak. God was really with me that Friday morning and it was so awesome to see how He worked in me.
I woke up all frazzled that morning.. because well I was nervous. Normally, teaching is easy for me. I don't get nervous often, and I just enjoy myself more than anything. However, this class I was going to be instructing wasn't just some random lesson, I was going to talk about my life. It's really never been easy for me to talk about my suicide attempts in front of people.. but I took a risk, and man did God catch me.
After I got ready for school, dealt with the ice that would not go away on my car, had someone make me copies, and figured out the computer situation.. I was feeling better. I read the sub plans and I just took off. I felt so comfortable with these kids. I had known a few just by chance, or from a few other classes I've been apart of, but the majority of them were strangers and for once, that did not bother me! I kept praying to my self so that I would trust God with what I said, how I said it, and how I guided these kids for 55 minutes of their day. God provided me with all that, plus a heart that just exploded for these kids!
We watched the video's we were supposed to.. and I began talking about my life. I told them about my bad attendance, how I was into all kinds of bad things, and how by the time 10th grade came around, I had attempted suicide 3 times. Their faces changed when I told them that. I bet it was surprising to know that this girl who was a senior, and who was trusted enough to teach a class was once into drugs and tryed killing her self. Heck it surprises me. I never even thought I would make it this far in life. but I did. and that's what maters most. God's grace shows it's self in my life yet again.
The rest of the class went great. I felt so in control and like the kids were actually understanding what we were talking about. They reacted well to me, and God guided me in how I acted as a teacher, student, and mentor to these kids. They all have a story just like I do, maybe that is why I felt so comfortable, or maybe God is telling me teaching is your calling, with Me by your side, you can do anything! Either way, I felt happy and accomplished.
The best part was spending an hour on the phone talking to Mama Johns and telling her all about the class! I have never met a women who I could so easily talk to, confide in, shoot idea's back and forth with, plan with, work with or who inspires me quite like Mrs. Mikki Johns does. If it weren't for her... I think I would have given up and ended back up at square one again this year. However she is thankfully a daily part of my life as a teacher and friend, and she will continue to be for as long as I can help it.
Dear Lord,
I thank You so much for giving me the words to share with my students on Friday. I am so grateful that You have my back. Lord I pray that I can always stay strong in You, because I know You will never forsake me, and WILL always help guide me. Lord, I pray for Mrs. Johns and her wonderful family Lord. I pray that You wrap them in Your light and just love them to pieces, like I do. I pray that Mrs. Johns and I will always remain close as friends and that she will always be there to teach me more. I pray that I will always be able to confide in her and her in me. Lord I pray that we will both be able to stay strong in you, and intern be close with each other. I thank You so much for putting a women in my life that is close in my heart and in location, since my Mom is so far away. Lord I am truly blessed by what You do in my life, and am so grateful. I could sing Your praises forever. Lord, help me walk in Your will for me, and not my own. I Love You Lord.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
I woke up all frazzled that morning.. because well I was nervous. Normally, teaching is easy for me. I don't get nervous often, and I just enjoy myself more than anything. However, this class I was going to be instructing wasn't just some random lesson, I was going to talk about my life. It's really never been easy for me to talk about my suicide attempts in front of people.. but I took a risk, and man did God catch me.
After I got ready for school, dealt with the ice that would not go away on my car, had someone make me copies, and figured out the computer situation.. I was feeling better. I read the sub plans and I just took off. I felt so comfortable with these kids. I had known a few just by chance, or from a few other classes I've been apart of, but the majority of them were strangers and for once, that did not bother me! I kept praying to my self so that I would trust God with what I said, how I said it, and how I guided these kids for 55 minutes of their day. God provided me with all that, plus a heart that just exploded for these kids!
We watched the video's we were supposed to.. and I began talking about my life. I told them about my bad attendance, how I was into all kinds of bad things, and how by the time 10th grade came around, I had attempted suicide 3 times. Their faces changed when I told them that. I bet it was surprising to know that this girl who was a senior, and who was trusted enough to teach a class was once into drugs and tryed killing her self. Heck it surprises me. I never even thought I would make it this far in life. but I did. and that's what maters most. God's grace shows it's self in my life yet again.
The rest of the class went great. I felt so in control and like the kids were actually understanding what we were talking about. They reacted well to me, and God guided me in how I acted as a teacher, student, and mentor to these kids. They all have a story just like I do, maybe that is why I felt so comfortable, or maybe God is telling me teaching is your calling, with Me by your side, you can do anything! Either way, I felt happy and accomplished.
The best part was spending an hour on the phone talking to Mama Johns and telling her all about the class! I have never met a women who I could so easily talk to, confide in, shoot idea's back and forth with, plan with, work with or who inspires me quite like Mrs. Mikki Johns does. If it weren't for her... I think I would have given up and ended back up at square one again this year. However she is thankfully a daily part of my life as a teacher and friend, and she will continue to be for as long as I can help it.
Dear Lord,
I thank You so much for giving me the words to share with my students on Friday. I am so grateful that You have my back. Lord I pray that I can always stay strong in You, because I know You will never forsake me, and WILL always help guide me. Lord, I pray for Mrs. Johns and her wonderful family Lord. I pray that You wrap them in Your light and just love them to pieces, like I do. I pray that Mrs. Johns and I will always remain close as friends and that she will always be there to teach me more. I pray that I will always be able to confide in her and her in me. Lord I pray that we will both be able to stay strong in you, and intern be close with each other. I thank You so much for putting a women in my life that is close in my heart and in location, since my Mom is so far away. Lord I am truly blessed by what You do in my life, and am so grateful. I could sing Your praises forever. Lord, help me walk in Your will for me, and not my own. I Love You Lord.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
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