So, this past week has not been a good one for me. I have been freaking out about everything, been sad, upset, depressed an all kinds of stuff. It has been no fun. I feel like I am going back to my previous life where all I ever was, was sad. Youth group is over for the month, and the only joy I have right now is working with kids, unfortunately that isn't enough. I had a point presented to me that made a lot of sense. Maybe the Lord is being silent in my life, to see how I can follow him, without him directly by my side. It makes so much sense. I've been trying really hard to follow the Lord, but with changes going on in my life, it is definitely a struggle.
My Sister has been nothing but sick lately. It is not easy living in a home that is so sad and depressing. I loose myself in all the sadness, and just want to crawl up in my room, and never leave. My Dad is also dating now, which is hard on me. I don't think my dad has it all together enough by himself and with us girls to date, but that choice isn't up to me. It's Christmas time, and everyone has been busy, so friends have been lacking in my life. School is annoying, and my grades aren't as high as I would like, I am always tired, and It seems like everything i do isn't right, or I am hated on for. All these factors seem to be contributing to my depression.
Mrs. Johns has been trying really hard to help me through all of this. I eat lunch with her everyday. She makes me feel comfortable, and loved, which lately has been something I so desperately need. Sometimes it is not enough. I've been praying like crazy for a positive attitude, for a warm heart and for guidance. Unfortunately, I don't feel like my prayers are being answered. It is probably my fault. I wish I knew how to fix myself, to make it better. I enjoy being happy. I like feeling loved, and excited about life. I just pray that it will all come back to be again. Last night I told Taylor that I needed her more in my life, so hopefully things will get better. She just warms my life up so much.
Christmas is coming and I am very excited for that. I have my FFA Officer Christmas party tonight, which should be an absolute blast. I get to babysit 4 amazing kids on Friday, and 2 on Saturday. This makes me very excited! Friday is the last day of school which should be amazing, and I am going to do nothing over break except house sit for Mrs. Smith, go to my 6 Best friends Christmas party, spend time with my family, and relax. It should be nice.
May the Lord bless my life, and all of your lives as well. Jesus loves you. <3 :)
